When You Stop Being Reactive, You Take Your Power Back
In divorce. In business. In who you become.
I recently watched a video that put language to something I didn’t learn from a book, a coach, or a strategy session — but from lived experience.
The message was simple, almost understated:
When you stop being reactive, people lose the ability to get to you.
Not because they stop trying.
Not because circumstances suddenly become easier.
But because reactivity is the doorway through which power is taken.
And once that door closes, everything changes.
Reactivity Is Where Power Leaks
Reactivity isn’t always loud.
It isn’t always anger or rage.
Often, it’s subtle.
It’s the urge to explain yourself when you don’t need to.
The pull to defend your character.
The emotional spike that drags you into conversations, arguments, or decisions you didn’t choose consciously.
Reactivity happens when something external reaches inside you and takes the wheel.
And in high-conflict environments — whether that’s a hostile divorce or a business under pressure — reactivity is exactly what keeps you stuck.
Because when you react:
- You give emotional access
- You operate from urgency instead of clarity
- You make decisions from pain instead of purpose
The video made one thing very clear:
No one can disturb you unless they touch something already unsettled inside you.
That realization alone can change a life.
What a Hostile Divorce Teaches You About Power
A hostile divorce is one of the fastest ways to learn about reactivity — whether you want the lesson or not.
Provocative messages.
Legal delays.
Conversations designed to destabilize, exhaust, or pull you back into emotional chaos.
At first, you believe the solution is to prove:
- the truth
- your reasonableness
- your integrity
But eventually, you realize something sobering and freeing:
You don’t need to win every exchange to regain your power.
You need to stop feeding the dynamic altogether.
When you stop reacting:
- Silence becomes strategic
- Boundaries become stabilizing
- Calm becomes authority
You stop arguing with someone who benefits from disorder.
You stop explaining yourself to someone committed to misunderstanding you.
You start making decisions based on outcomes — not emotions.
That’s when the balance of power shifts.
The Myth of “Work-Life Balance”
We talk a lot about work-life balance — as if we are meant to be two different people.
One version of ourselves at work:
Professional. Polished. Composed.
Another version at home:
Emotional. Reactive. Unfiltered.
Yes, professionalism matters.
Yes, boundaries matter.
But what entrepreneurship taught me is this:
I am not two different people.
The woman navigating personal hardship and the woman building a business are driven by the same core traits.
They struggle with the same patterns.
They seek growth in the same ways.
When I began working on my mental health — truly working on it — every area of my life changed at once.
Not just my relationships.
Not just my home.
But my leadership.
My decision-making.
My ability to scale.
Reactivity Was Never About Anger
I wouldn’t describe myself as an angry person.
I don’t walk around holding resentment or ill intent — even toward people who have hurt me deeply.
That was never my struggle.
What changed my life was recognizing reactivity.
Reactivity isn’t hatred.
It’s emotional reflex.
It’s being pulled into dynamics without choosing them.
Learning to recognize it — and interrupt it — didn’t make me perfect.
I don’t execute it flawlessly.
But there is profound power in understanding it more deeply over time.
Awareness creates space.
Space creates choice.
Choice creates freedom.
Why Business Owners Must Master This to Scale
The same principle that protects you in a hostile divorce is the same principle that allows a business to grow.
Reactive business owners:
- Chase problems instead of building systems
- Respond emotionally to criticism, competition, or chaos
- Make decisions from fear, urgency, or validation-seeking
But scaling requires regulation.
It requires the ability to pause.
To respond intentionally.
To detach from ego and attach to vision.
You cannot build something sustainable while being emotionally hijacked by every challenge.
When you stop being reactive, your business doesn’t just grow — it stabilizes.
The Quiet Work That Changes Everything
This kind of growth is quiet.
It doesn’t announce itself.
Not everyone will notice it right away.
Some people may even misinterpret it.
At times, I may have been seen as losing my “spice” or flair.
The sharpness.
The immediacy.
But what replaced it wasn’t absence.
It was peace.
It was calm after the storm.
It was the decision to operate intentionally instead of reflexively.
That’s not weakness.
That’s power refined.
Final Thought
Taking your power back isn’t loud.
It isn’t dramatic.
And it isn’t dependent on anyone else changing.
It begins the moment you decide:
- I don’t need to attend every argument I’m invited to
- I don’t need to react to lead
- I don’t need chaos to feel alive
When you stop being reactive,
they stop being able to get to you.
And from that place —
your healing, your leadership, and your growth finally align.
